Getting Poked

I hurt my shoulder about two months ago. I'm not exactly sure how, but I think it was a combination of playing with the kids at my school and then working out. I think one of the kids yanked down on my arm and pulled something, then I worked out and hurt it more. I'm not sure though. In any case, it doesn't want to heal right. I laid off shoulder exercises for three weeks. I put heat on it every night. I massage it a bit through the day. It does get better, but when it feels good and ready, I try to do my regular work out (instead of my lame "my shoulder hurts" one) and it starts to hurt again.

When mom was here last week, she wanted to try acupuncture for her back. It seemed to help, so I thought I'd give it a try for my shoulder.

I had a break between classes today, so I got a coworker, Rachel, to come down and translate for me. The place smelled like pine needles. I tried to say this to the receptionists in Korean. "Sow-Leap-Nah-Moo," I said. They chuckled a little the way Koreans tend to when you screw up their language (they're fast to chuckle and fast to correct). "Sow-Nah-Moo," said Rachel. I then realized I had said it smells like a pine leaf tree instead of a pine tree. These things happen.

One receptionist, a very pretty woman probably only in her early twenties, took me back to the doctor. I say she was in her early twenties, but Koreans tend to look much younger than they really are. She could have been 40 for all I know.

The doctor's office was very nice--as was the whole place. The doctor asked about my symptoms and how I did it, and then ushered me back to the area for the pokin'.

He first laid me down on a stone table. It was nicely heated. I felt like I could have just laid there and taken a nap.

Before I could get too comfortable, the doctor got out the needles. The needles are much bigger than just your average needle and when the go in, the doctor cranks a little thing at the end that seems to make them wider. The doctor tapped the first one into my neck, right near the base of my skull. He does actually tap then in and not just stick them in. It's like he uses his finger as a tiny hammer. The rest of the needles went much closer to the actual problem in my shoulder. I probably ended up with a dozen or so needles sticking out of me.

Before he left, the doctor moved a heat lamp over my poked area and then left. I laid there relaxing on the edge of sleep for about 20 minutes before someone came back. It's amazing how comfortable you can get with 12 needles sticking out of you.

A woman came in after an alarm went off and took out the needles, blotting away the blood (there was a little, but not much). Then she wrapped a heating pad around my shoulder. She did this with great difficulty, a lot of giggling, and an awkwardness that I wouldn't have thought characteristic of someone who does this for a living. Of course, I'd like to think that this is because of my disarming good looks. I mean, I'd have a hard time remaining composing in my own shirtless presence. In reality, it's probably because I'm probably one of two foreigners to come there all year, the other being my mom.

She said something before she left, something that I didn't at all understand. When I told her I didn't understand, she said something else, laughed a little and then left.

I was left alone with the heating pad for another 20 minutes or so, then things got weird. The woman came back and hooked me up to this machine. It essentially was a sucking machine. Imagine a cow milking machine and you're half way there. Four suckers from the milking machine were hooked to my shoulder. The machine sucked at odd intervals for another 20 minutes (I know for sure this time because the machine had a timer). This felt a lot better than you would have though--something like a really deep massage.

After the milking machine came some more sucking. These special little cups that were put on my shoulder and all the air was sucked out. These didn't suck at intervals, they just sucked hard. This is indicative of how much weight I've lost (and how good of shape I'm in right now): the woman could only get three cups on me even though she tried to get five. There just wasn't enough loose flesh to suck. The woman, of course, thought this was hilarious, much like everything else that happened at the acupuncture place.

These things hurt like you would imagine something sucking really hard on your should would hurt. Luckily, they only stayed on for about 10 minutes. When the woman took them off, she tried to explain to me that everything was done. I didn't understand, and tried to ask what was going on. She said it about three different ways, laughed a lot, then went and got the doctor. Even though the doctor doesn't speak English, he at least knew the word "finished."

I paid 5,000 won (less than $5) because acupuncture is actually covered by insurance here. My shoulder feels a lot better now, but I wonder how much of that is just because those last cups hurt so much, and I'm just relieved to be rid of them. I'll keep you all posted.

In the mean time, it looks like my shoulder was sunburned, stabbed by a tiny man, and then pelted with baseballs. Heat lamps, needles, and milking machine cups will do that to ya.

R