Thursday, July 03, 2008

A Nice Place

It's 11:30 on Thursday night. We've been living in our new apartment for a couple weeks now. It's a significant upgrade from our last place, but it'll be a lot nicer once we get all the furniture. A real bed will be nice. I'm sleeping on a mat on the floor currently; it's a nice mat, no question, but it's a mat.

The semester's been over for a couple weeks too. I've been lazing around a lot, preparing for next semester's classes, riding my bike, that sort of thing. I started teaching some summer classes yesterday for some extra money and to give myself something to do. I've been writing a bit more. I finished a short story the other day--the first in a while. These days, I tend to start the stories but not finish them. It's odd to say, but I think part of that comes from being generally happy and content with my life. It's a lot easier to write when you're in upheaval, upset, angry, depressed, or generally just in a bad place--easier for me, anyway.

These days things are good, sure, but I also have a bit of a feeling of "what's next?". Moving was the big project recently, and now that's checked off the old to-do list. Actually, everything's checked off the old to-do list. No big trips planned. No big life changes coming up. So what now? I'm not sure, really. Moving back to the US? Starting my PhD? Hye Sook going to cooking school? Yeah, those are all there. Those are all definitely things down the road, but they're still a little bit too far down the road to really be "real" yet.

Part of me wishes I could pack up with Hye Sook tomorrow and just head off to somewhere new, mix things up a little again like I did 4 years ago (for those counting, it actually HAS been four years since I left the US now as of last Sunday). Part of me is also scared of that possibility, of losing the wonderful life that I've built for myself here. When I packed up 4 years ago, it wasn't like this: I wasn't leaving a lot behind. Sure, there were family and friends, but I could keep in touch. But a good job? A stable relationship? A comfortable life? I wasn't leaving behind any of that. No, packing up and leaving now would be far scarier than it was 4 years ago. Now, I actually have something to lose. Now, I could potentially end up worse off, but back then, I only had two places to go: up or sideways.

I'm sure it'll be scary when Hye Sook and I actually do go back to the US. There'll be a lot of unknowns: a new city, new jobs, a new life. In some ways, going home will be a lot harder than coming here. There will be one big plus, though: I won't be doing it alone. And although I'm sure that Hye Sook will be just as scared as I am (very possibly more so), it'll be nice to have her there as a sounding board and as a comfort when things get rough, as I'm sure they will. That'll be nice, indeed.



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